I am not sure if I’m doing the right thing, or making the right choices. We have all lived together on and off for a year..he and I had a pretty rocky relationship but married in April and got most of our issues straightened out. He is in the Army (active) and I am discovering he is controlling. Well, my daughter had gotten into some trouble,some worse than others.but the latest incident has been her involvement with this 20 yr old boy..we forbid her to see him, and yet I found she had been lying. My husband is constantly snooping through her room to see if she is behaving. When he finds out she has done something wrong, he takes things away, I’m talking EVERYTHING.sometimes things like a blanket she loves, or her Zune, or the internet. I am not sure I agree with everything he is doing, but I am and always have been not so strict. Maybe he is doing the right thing, but I am just a pushover. He is like that w/the younger ones too, and I noticed when his son is here the rules change.
You and your husband need to be on the same page. If you are not comfortable with how he is handling the situation, talk it out and come to an agreement. The last thing you want is for the child or children to play you against one another. You have to be a team or it will fail
He is trying to get his point across to her that she needs to behave. She probably needs the strictness if you have been too gentle over the years. If she is behaving the way you said she is, then that has to do with how you raised her. She probably needs it.
As for rule changes when his son is around. Only natural when the child does not live with you all the time. My son gets away with murder when he is with his dad but when he is with me, we go by the book.
If you haven’t been married for long it is way too soon for him to be taking over for her disipline it is too soon and she could end up hating her. I didn’t actually disipline my husbands kids other than saying stop fighting with your sister till they were used to me and we were married for about three years. Hope I helped.
Um, he’s doing something that you can’t do, he’s being a parent and not a friend. Why do you think she has always doe stuff? BECAUSE YOU LET HER! She knows that you never folow through with your threats, but she will soon learn that he will. Deal with it, it’s good for her.
Well when his on is there the rules shouldn’t change, but as far as taking things away when she doesn’t behave, that is okay. I was in the same boat, but I was the teenager. My step dad would take away things as well, and at the time I thought it wasn’t right, but now that I’m an adult I understand he was doing what was best. She will eventually learn if she does right and doesn’t lie, she can have these things. Good luck!
You can’t be too strict with teenagers.
She has NO rights to privacy either. She is a guest in your home until she is 18 years old. She has NO RIGHTS EITHER!
Let this girl do as she pleases, and I can guarantee you will have a pregnant daughter within the next 2 years.
Honestly, I think what he is doing is a good thing. My mother wasn’t very disciplinary, and while I turned out okay, I ended up sleeping with many boys when I was a teenager. I think had I had a stricter parent, this wouldn’t have happened. Luckily, nothing horrible happened like an STD, and I never got pregnant. But I really think that doing this is going to help your daughter.
He doesn’t need to be mean or rude, or take away things for indescretions that he has no proof of. He needs to build trust with her. Set rules, and if she breaks them, punish her. Don’t go on heresay.
It’s really hard to punish your children sometimes, and it can be very hurtful. But in the long run, I really think your daughter will benefit from some discepline.
You two should agree on the punishments and what ever they are tell the kids and never waver from rules. Valerie x you are so da mn screwed up!!! I hope you are not a mother!!
The process of creating the job description of a step-parent is one of the difficult negotiations in existence. Parenting is hard, step-parenting is impossible. If any tiny portion of the reason that you married this man was to help you raise your children and he is actually doing it (without breaking bones or leaving bruises)- let him. No matter how you phrase it what he will hear is “that is not your job”— because it is not. Tell him not to and he won’t. It is that simple. Then you will be a single parent again no matter who is in your bed.