1. Spelling and grammar are very, very, very important. Even if this is just a “let’s see what the Yahoo Answers users think” question, you should still present the story like you are presenting it to a publisher. So, no misspellings, no repeated words, awkward sentences, et cetera.

2. By saying what the special prophecy is, you just told everyone what happens in the entire novel. No plot twists there, which makes for an uninteresting read.

3. You need to know the details better. It seemed a bit thrown together, not like you really knew the characters, or how and why things in the story happened, or very much about the magic in the story. It’s your story, you need to know every detail, every reason why, because even the smallest thing can devastate a story.

4. Work on your writing style. It doesn’t pull the reader in.

5. Use a dictionary and a thesaurus. You are using words that you believe have one meaning, when actually they mean something very different.

A good start but it needs a lot of work.