okay. i’m writing a story and just wanted to get some opinions from other people out side my house. and if you notice anything i could change, please tell me. sorry its so long.

1705
The fog clung to the ground like a tightly wound blanket. It was so thick that it was almost impossible to see anything below the knee. The air was muggy and smelt of moist earth. The squishing sound of mud mixed with the snapping of sticks and Calimer’s heavy, frantic breathing made it hard to hear if anyone was following him.
Sweat rolled off his fore head and dripped down Calimer’s nose. It dripped off of his chest, arms, and back, making his light gray t-shirt turn dark and cohere uncomfortably to his body. The thick mass of his red-brown hair was cemented to his face. Using his free hand, he pushed back his drenched hair then wiped the sticky sweat off his forehead. Calimer was dehydrated, ravenous, and hasn’t slept in two days. He neglected all of those things though because he knew that it was absolutely vital to protect the object he was holding. If it were to fall in to the wrong hands, it could potentially bring across the world’s greatest disaster. It had the power to change life, as everyone knew it. It could determine your future between life and freedom or torture and death. Not just for the magical realm either. But for the mortal world also.
Calimer stopped to look around. All he saw was the dark outline of close by trees and a few bushes. It was early morning and the sun hasn’t come up yet. He decided, even though he knew it was risky, to sit down and rest for a little bit. He found a fallen tree and sat down. Then began wondering about Sylvia.
Where was she and was she okay? Did she make it to Torseepha? Are Sylvia and baby Prince Wickersham safely hidden from Malum? Did she find Rebecca and Delilah? Did they make it out of the castle grounds, or could have Malum’s army gotten to her first?
All of a sudden, there was a loud crack, which resembled a whip, and then there was a thundering sound of at least two-dozen horses. They were coming fast, and getting closer. Soon, Calimer could feel the ground shaking, and the trees corresponding with it. How many people could Malum have sent to find me? Calimer thought. He knew that the attempt to escape would be useless.
Calimer threw on his black cloak and pulled the hood over his head to hide his face. He then shoved the large black velvet bag in to the side pocket of the cloak. He discovered that the group was coming from the west. Maybe if he were to lay down behind the fallen tree in a large cluster of bushes that possibly the soldiers would just pass on by. It was worth a shot.
Safely out of sight, Calimer waited quietly and patiently in his hiding spot. Though the clump of bushes he was in were thorned and pointy, he was oddly comfortable. Calimer made himself a small peephole through one of the bushes so he could see the newcomers. He heard several voices now, but couldn’t see who the owners were. Calimer was expecting at the most a dozen or so men, most likely to be wizards and warriors, on horses. But what he actually did see was on of the most horrendous things he’s ever imagined.
Calimer could only see half of the beast, but that’s all it took to petrify him. He never would have believed this if not for seeing it himself. He had heard roomers about this absurd creature, but never considered that it truly existed. Now, able to see the entire body of the preposterous monster, he gasped and swallowed hard. He was practically trembling in fear, at one in particular. It appeared to claim dominance.
It was hard to see every detail of the creature because it was still dark. But Calimer could make out some things. Like, that it was black and no bigger then a well breed horse. Its front two feet were separated in three different sections, resembling chicken toes. The feet were the size of a grown man’s head and the talons were as long and thick of a man’s forearm with ends that were extremely sharp and dangerous looking. Other then the abnormally large muscles, the body of the animal somewhat mirrored the body of a horse.
It had a neatly braided tail, which look offbeat on such a ferocious animal. He couldn’t see the mane because of the armor cloth that was covering its entire area from the knees up to where the neck and head met. It was most likely magic proof. On its head, it wore a helmet revealing nothing under it except for two eyeholes and two large vicious horns.
Safely away in the bushes, Calimer watched the group of three pass by slowly. They were all quite for a while, searching for Calimer. Well, searching for the object in his pocket anyway. The wizard on top of the dominant animal was the first to speak.
“Where is it?” He muttered frustrated, “Its here somewhere, I can feel it. We’re close, so very close.”
“Just think o’ the look on ol’ Mally’s face when we’s shows up with the Cora Stone!” said a warri
“Just think o’ the look on ol’ Mally’s face when we’s shows up with the Cora Stone!” said a warrior with an unknown accent.
“Oi! We be treated like royalty!” exclaimed the third.
“Will you two be quiet!” the first demanded.
They continued on just like Calimer hoped they would. Once, when he thought they were far enough away, he shifted positions.
The men on the horses stopped and the leader looked around cautiously.
“Did you hear that? There’s someone here,” he whispered.
“That could have just been a fox. They’re real popular around here,” one of the others said.
“No. It’s a wizard. And he has the Cora Stone. I can feel it!” They all turned around and stopped right in front of the Calimer’s bush.
All at once, Calimer was lifted up by his under arms and thrown onto the ground. He sat up and looked up.
The three people and their beasts were around him, forming a triangular formation. The leader had blonde hair and was well built.
He had a sort of ‘evil pleasure’ look on his face. The other two were corpulent and were both grinning wildly. Like always, the blonde was the first to speak.
“Where is it?” he coerced.
“I do not know what you are talking about,” Calimer replied smoothly.
“The Cora Stone! You have it! You cannot lie to me!” Blondie shouted back.
“I still do not know what you are talking about.” Anger fired through Blondie’s face.
“Grab him!” he shouted. The other two jumped off their horses and each grabbed one of Calimer’s arms. The leader dismounted too.
“Now hand it over, or tell me where it is and nobody will get hurt,” he said hotly. Calimer stayed quiet.
“Search him!” One of the two reached into the pocket that the Cora Stone was in and grabbed it out. He gave it to the blonde. Fear washed over Calimer. The man started to take it out the bag. Calimer had seen it once, but could not remember what it looked like.
They all stared at the luminescent stone.
Then Calimer, again, was thrown to the ground. The three men surrounded the Stone. Standing up, Calimer shouted at the top of his lungs the last two words that King Wickersham had said to him. He was told to use the words only if the stone was in a dyer situation. And Calimer thought this was.
As soon as he finished, the stone flew up into the air. It grew brighter and started spinning. Then in one blinding light, the stone was gone. Before Calimer could even start to think of what he did or where the stone went, wizard flames shot him down.