Comments for Army Blanket

Comment on Help with Literary Devices? by RoseBud

RoseBud — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 12:05:35 +0000

Is this your homework? You really need to do your own homework.

Comment on please do constructive criticism for my story. Please? by ThaTaz

ThaTaz — Sat, 18 Dec 2010 16:06:29 +0000

You have several occasions where you have written words together where there should be a space. (butthat, powerthat, knowthat and so on. It seems as if it usually happens when the next word is “that”.)

You also have word confusion that needs to be corrected. (Correctly spelled word, but not the right word in the context.)

Your sentence structure is a bit odd at times. Such as,
“Never did he do that in a long time.” That could probably be “He had not done that in a long time.” If I guess that English isn’t your first language am I close then?

The jumps between the quotes from the book and the story should be clearer. One way to do that is to …

****

… not only start a new paragraph and use “quotation marks” but only use another sign such as *** to mark the change. (The *** is supposed to be in the middle of the line, but it doesn’t show that way here on yahoo.)

To make it easier to read you also need to change the spoken text to be easier to read. Start on a new line every time a new person speaks. As such;
“Oh good, you’re ok.”
“Yes, but not you. I was worried and Arwan sent a team after you.” She said silently, averting her gaze from his fallen state to the window.
“But I’m fine if you are.” He laid there acting as though the two holes in his stomach weren’t real and proceeded to get some sleep while he could.

The jump to her dream is also confusing since there is no warning. He’s confided to the bed and can’t get up and then he’s suddenly … dragging her forcefully. She snapped out of the dream and the there is more dream without no warning again. making it even more confusing.

There are also big chunks of text that would be better if cut into a few paragraphs.

The story in it self is interesting and I would probably have enjoyed reading it if it had been easier to read. Luckily it’s easy to edit it and correct the mistakes to fix that.

Comment on If you knew you were being “opposed” by 0bama, wouldn’t you be cracking jokes too? by John

John — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 09:53:39 +0000

Yes I would – he’s one of the funniest personages I have ever seen.

Comment on If you knew you were being “opposed” by 0bama, wouldn’t you be cracking jokes too? by Jennifer

Jennifer — Tue, 14 Dec 2010 14:20:06 +0000

To be honest, considering most members of Taliban or mad, brainwashed, or both, I really don’t care what comes out of their mouth save for the actual threats of doing bodily harm to others. I also hope you didn’t post all this just as an attack against Obama. These people don’t just **** Obama. They **** you too. They are the type who would blow your whole family up as you all sat down to eat at a restaurant… if not worse. Nothing funny about it.

Comment on Buying ‘Star Wars’ baby items online- any good sites? by martinthurn

martinthurn — Sun, 12 Dec 2010 18:19:55 +0000

Sorry, there are no officially licensed Star Wars baby products. Those cheapo zazzle knock-offs are the best you will find.

Comment on If you knew you were being “opposed” by 0bama, wouldn’t you be cracking jokes too? by Wild Sage

Wild Sage — Sat, 11 Dec 2010 23:34:09 +0000

Yeah, probably, but since I’m not a terrorist and I support our president, I don’t think I have to worry about him “opposing” me.

Comment on Buying ‘Star Wars’ baby items online- any good sites? by tweetybirdskiller007

tweetybirdskiller007 — Thu, 09 Dec 2010 10:44:27 +0000

hasbrotoyshop.com, toysrus.com, and amazon.com, for starters. You can find alot of items on sites that cater to the “nerd” and such.

The first one is where my husband found two stuffed Transformers for our niece. The first was Softimus Prime, and there was Slumblebee. They also had some StarWars stuff too. If I remember correctly, there was a stuffed Chewie and a Yoda set.

Have fun and May the Force With You!!

Comment on Patient Poem Readers — This really is a long one but please bear with me. Thoughts? by Broken Tiger.

Broken Tiger. — Wed, 08 Dec 2010 15:35:48 +0000

I for one am a true fan of your poetry. No matter how long or short they are i read every line down to the last. This was so beautiful, I loved it.
Don’t listen to the first answer because only true fans of your writing will read every word till the last. Always remember Adam, That no matter how long your poems are i will always read them till the last letter.

Hugs…Broken Tiger.

Comment on Patient Poem Readers — This really is a long one but please bear with me. Thoughts? by CrazyGreenEyedRedhead

CrazyGreenEyedRedhead — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 22:01:23 +0000

Don’t pay attention to those that do not take the time to read what is important but will take the time to read or watch trash for hours as though they had all the time in the world!

Your work continues to amaze and thrill me!

Bring it on!
Your faithful admirer, Glory

Comment on Patient Poem Readers — This really is a long one but please bear with me. Thoughts? by **XxSoCC3r_ChiCxX**

**Xx*SoCC3r_ChiC*xX** — Sat, 04 Dec 2010 20:19:02 +0000

no offense, im sure it’s good, and took a long time to write, but i don’t think many people are going to sit here and read this. Sorry. Like I said, I’m sure it’s really good.